May21

Do you measure up?

by EliseOnLife on May 21st, 2012 at 12:01 am
Posted In: Conscious Living

Wait….before you answer the question, we need to clarify what exactly we’re measuring, right?  You go first….what were you thinking of when you read the title?

If you’re like most people, you were thinking of how you measure up, using society’s measuring tape of intelligence, educational accomplishments, body size/shape, beauty, style, career type and position, amount of money you earn, type of house you live in, etc.

But as is true of most of my questions, I had a different meaning in mind when I asked it — and I have a fortune cookie to thank for my perspective (true story!).

At the time, I was finishing up a graduate degree at night while working full-time at my career position, and I measured myself by external barometers of success….by society’s traditional measures.  Despite having achieved a great deal by that point in my life, I was never satisfied that I had “measured up”.

On that fortuitous day, I received a fortune cookie that read, “If you insist on measuring yourself, put the tape around your heart instead of your head.”

It just so happened that I was open to actually taking in the meaning of the message — it hit me at just the right time.  It had a powerful effect on me.  In fact, I still have that fortune in my desk drawer today.

Now I’m making the radical suggestion that we throw away all those societal measures of success, and instead measure ourselves by those qualities that are truly important, like how big our heart is, how deep our love is, how compassionate we are, how caring and kind we are despite having a difficult day, how much we reach out to help others, how we treat children and animals, etc.

So I’m asking you to consider my question again, “Do you measure up?”

Please share how your measuring tape has changed as you’ve moved through life…

(Note:  If you want to read more about this, please see my earlier post titled “How big are you?“)

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May18

Someone irritating you?

by Jeff Young on May 18th, 2012 at 12:01 am
Posted In: Conscious Living

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

 

- Carl Gustav Jung

 

I often find myself becoming impatient and at times irritated with others.  When this happens, I do not like myself much.  I once heard that you can measure the size of a man by the size of the things that irritate him. This does not always provide positive testimony for me, and as a result I often put myself under the microscope for self-examination.  I don’t claim to be an expert in this area, but if you find yourself being irritated by others, then take a break from finger pointing and examine yourself.  It may be that the other person has some bad habits or is just plain annoying, but you will never learn how to grow by developing the habit of blame first and ask no questions.

Jeff Young

www.friendsofjeff.com

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May15

You have no right

by EliseOnLife on May 15th, 2012 at 12:01 am
Posted In: Conscious Living

“You have no right to ask when sorrow comes, ‘Why did this happen to me?’, unless you ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes your way.”  (Unknown)

And in all honesty, how many of us can say that we greet tragedy and triumph with the same welcome?  I’m sure very few of us, after all, we’re human.  And part of being human is to feel emotion, right?

Well if you want the truth, the answer is ‘yes and no’.  Yes, we are here to be human, and a big part of that experience is to have emotions, and that includes feeling pain occasionally.  But no, we don’t have to experience suffering — suffering is optional.

‘What’s the difference?’ you might be asking…and it’s a great question!  Here’s an example….let’s say you fall and break your arm.  In most cases, there will be physical pain involved.  That is unavoidable.  It’s the body’s alarm system, designed to let you know that you shouldn’t be using your arm for a while, so it can heal.  But in this example, so far there hasn’t been any suffering.

Suffering comes when our mind gets involved and starts spinning stories….perhaps you start to feel sorry for yourself.  It might sound something like this:  “Why did this have to happen now?  I really don’t need this.  I am too busy to deal with this.  I always have bad luck.  Nothing good ever comes my way.  I don’t know how I’m going to manage.  This is impossible. I can’t deal with this. Life isn’t fair. My life rots.”  Now you have created suffering!

The key ‘take-away’ from this is that pain is inevitably part of our life here on earth (whether it’s physical or emotional pain) — there will be times when we experience it, so why fight it?  Instead, why not embrace it?  This doesn’t mean you like it; it just means that you accept ‘what is’.  And at that moment, pain is what’s occurring.

But suffering is optional, not required, not mandatory; it’s elective.  You get to choose whether or not you want to experience suffering.

Now that you’re aware that it’s optional, you can consciously choose not to suffer.  And you do this by accepting ‘what is’ at face value.  It might sound like this, “Ok, I broke my arm.  This is slightly inconvenient, but I can handle it.  Let’s think about how I’m going to work around this.  Life will go on.  Maybe I’m being made to slow down a bit for a reason.  Perhaps I will sit with that a bit.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “The sun shines and warms and lights us and we have no curiosity to know why this is so; but we ask the reason of all evil, of pain, and hunger, and mosquitoes and silly people.”  I’m suggesting that we treat ‘good’ and ‘bad’ experiences with the same neutral response, by accepting ‘what is’ – and therefore choose not to experience unnecessary suffering.

Try this out and let me know how it goes…

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May12

Choose Your Inner Circle Wisely

by EliseOnLife on May 12th, 2012 at 12:01 am
Posted In: Conscious Living

It’s common knowledge that we should choose our friends carefully.  We’ve all heard the saying that you can either “soar with the eagles or fly with the turkeys.”  Most of the time when we hear this advice, it is connected to being successful (career-wise or financially).

But it’s even more important from the perspective of living authentically, joyfully and peacefully.  In other words, “Surrounded by people who love life, you love it too; surrounded by people who don’t, you don’t.”  (Mignon McLaughlin)

Although we each have greatness within us, not everyone chooses to express and live from their greatness.  We’ve all experienced this — the typical example is the proverbial water cooler at work — where you can choose to associate with people who are negative and complaining or with people who are positive and upbeat.

Clearly, you feel differently based on who you associate with.  Their energy affects you, and vice versa.  This is why it’s so important to choose very carefully who will be in your inner circle (the people you spend the most time with, the people whose advice and wisdom you value).

Another perspective on this is that we each see through our own lens — and what we see is a reflection of who we are and how we choose to be.  “A loving person lives in a loving world.  A hostile person lives in a hostile world; everyone you meet is your mirror.”  (Ken Keyes, Jr.)  What world do you choose to live in?

Ralph Waldo Emerson said it well, “People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.”  It’s easy to tell if someone is living from their greatness….just listen to them talk for a while.  Their views, opinions and perspectives on life will tell you everything you need to know about who they are.

This is obvious in the extremes — with those who are very negative about life, and with those who are positive and optimistic.  “There are souls in this world which have the gift of finding joy everywhere and of leaving it behind them when they go.”  (Frederick Faber)  Now doesn’t that sound like someone you’d want to be friends with?  And someone you’d want to be?!

I encourage you to make a conscious effort to choose your inner circle wisely — for who you associate with does affect you, and you affect them, on the deepest levels.

(Please also see my earlier post “Do you have Life Support?” for more about the importance and benefits of our connections.)

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May09

Dress yourself in love

by EliseOnLife on May 9th, 2012 at 12:01 am
Posted In: Conscious Living

You get up each morning and decide what clothes to wear, what jewelry, whether or not to wear a jacket….but do you make a conscious decision as to what emotion you will wear for the day?  I think it’s safe to say ‘no’.

In our culture, we don’t pay as much attention to our internal dress, as we do to our external dress.  But since we’re breaking out of our box and making ourselves uncomfortable this year, why not make it a new habit to consciously choose what we’ll be wearing inside each day?

Try this:  Starting right now, pause for a moment and choose to clothe yourself in love….love for yourself, love for your fellow human beings, love for everything and everyone, love for whatever situation you find yourself in, love for the challenges and obstacles, as well as love for the joys and ecstasies.  Simply decide that your attitude today will be one of love….it’s really that simple to get started.

“What ‘love’ is I don’t know if it’s not the response of our deepest natures to one another.”  (William Carlos Williams)  Get in touch with your deepest nature – and then step out into the world with love permeating your entire being.   (Please see my earlier post “The Answer is Always Love” for a simple technique to help you do this.)

David Byrne says, “Sometimes it’s a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence.”  Perhaps this is a challenge you’d like to take on one day — find something awesome about the person you’re talking to, even if normally you’d be finding a way to quickly end the conversation and leave.  Look for their deepest nature….and see how lovely it is.

“Love is not blind — it sees more, not less.  But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.”  (Julins Gordon)  When you dress yourself in love, you are able to more clearly see what is loveable in another, and you are more likely to disregard their shortcomings and flaws.  We’ve all experienced this during the “falling in love” stage of romantic love, but I’m suggesting that we can experience something similar with anybody, anywhere, anytime.

Michael Leunig put it best, “Love one another and you will be happy.  It’s as simple and as difficult as that.”  I’m not suggesting that you’ll do this once and be a pro at it.  We’re just not accustomed to going through our day dressed in love.  It’s something you’ll have to practice – notice how it feels, notice how people respond differently to you, notice if you are uncomfortable doing it (!).  The more you practice, the easier it will become.

What will you wear inside today?  Please let me know what you decided to wear, and how your day went…

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